I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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