i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
