how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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