Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
