32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
