i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she told me i tasted like america
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
