I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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