its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
