Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
