It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
