ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
