This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
