slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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