so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
