haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
