i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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