I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
