So drunk its hurt
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
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