Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I don't think brook has ever known best
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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