Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize