You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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