New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize