So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think my fart just growled at me.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
