I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
