Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
