girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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