Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
