My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
