dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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