my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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