I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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