once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
