Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize