Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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