We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
