i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize