do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
