the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
my liver is dry heaving
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
