My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
