If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
