so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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