I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
