I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
