HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
