Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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