dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
