I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
