Im at strip club and am horny
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
