It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
