It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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