my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
