a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
