I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
