so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
