You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
