I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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