I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
