I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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