mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
