she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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