It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
