Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
