turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
