so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
