I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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