Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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