Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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