she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
