Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
