He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
