idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
