I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
