Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
