Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
