help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
