Don't you send me to vm
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize