Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
