His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
