You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize