I just saw a hot homeless man
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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