we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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