you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
