i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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