did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
