Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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