the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
