i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
