After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
