Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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