that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
