No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
