a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
